Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I love Rakhi Sawant because I have my reasons

Enough said.

I love Rakhi Sawant because she is the Giver of Happiness

Rakhi Sawant, the angel in mammal form, has immense powers unto herself. She can bestow happiness upon poor desperate men who never had a life. As quoted by a particular contestant on the show when he earned a few minutes of talking to The Angel Sans Whiskers alone , "wo 10 minute meri zindagi ke sabse sunehre pal the".

I love Rakhi Sawant because she believes in teamwork

Individualism is over-rated. Rakhi understands that. She believes in teamwork. Contestants on the show, Rakhi ka Swayamvar, had to split into teams of three, and perform group tasks clearly depicting the spirit of teamwork, to win a date with Rakhi. For Rakhi believes in teamwork, even in the bedroom.

I love Rakhi Sawant because she knows something we don't

Rakhi Sawant looks at ease. She goes through the whole routine of the show, the plethora of emotions ranging from trying to sound emotional to trying even more, with a patented confidence and surity. She is not a nervous bride, if even a bride. What this tells me is that there is something she knows that makes her feel safe. Something that satisfies her fears about this all. Or maybe its just the money.

Monday, July 6, 2009

I love Rakhi Sawant because she is taking a bet

Rakhi Sawant, the girl in the beautiful sari, is both a puppet and the pioneer. She is both completely fake and yet completely real. She is both the chooser and the chosen one, and she is both the examiner and the examinee.

This show, Rakhi ka Swayamvar, is not so much a test and selection of the contestants on the show, as much as it is of Rakhi herself. This show will decide a lot of the near future for the whole of Indian Television, and definitely just about the whole life of the girl to be married, which marriages are supposed to anyway.

Rakhi Sawant has taken a bet here, and the magnitude of that bet it is that compels us to watch that show, me to write this blog, and you to read it. What do you believe will be the end of the show? Will she really marry? Or will there be a genius gimmick at the end of the show that will satisfy everybody involved? Whatever the marital outcome, Rakhi Sawant and her life will be defined by the satisfaction of me, the television viewer. And that's some bet, I believe.

I love Rakhi Sawant because she has it hardest

Life, you may imagine, must be tough for the eligible vars on Rakhi ka Swayamvar. They are supposed to come up with sensibility, humor, and just the right amount of emotional vulnerability in their one-liner responses to questions by your highness Rakhi on the spur of the moment. But mistake me not, o' great reader. It is Rakhi, the Sita of the Decade, who has it hardest at the moment. It is she who is being tested here, not the mere dumbheads that stand there in a line bulging with eagerness to prove their worth to the Great Beautiful One.

As she sits there in the elaborate farce of a set, with the prospective grooms observing her every look and move when the camera is off, and smiling at themselves like shameless little girls just out of a sin when she changes from Rakhi Sawant to Rakhi the Puratan Bhartiya Nari, right before a shot. But not for long, o' not for long. Once the camera is rolling, once the show is on, the joke turns on them. Rakhi is now the one laughing, though taking great care as to hide it in the dupatta. They make a fool of themselves, trying to impress they know not whom, risking a great deal of fortune in the process, and Rakhi Sawant soon has it hard. It is not in her to stand still in a sari and talk to arbitrary looking people about prem and vivah. It has to be hard to do the shy indian virgin look so many times a day and to do it without sliding into the cheaper and sexier sly item girl version that must be so much more tempting to her. I'm sure she breaks a piece of furniture everyday to get over the motionlessness she has gone through in the day, sitting on a couch dressed in an overweight sari with her shy eyes fixed to the bottom of the leftmost leg of the table ahead, and her mind fixed on emptiness that it has always been fixed on anyway. It has to be hard, I imagine, on both the parties, in all senses of the word.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I love Rakhi Sawant because she wants it bad

tamanna hai mujhe, ki main uchhlu
tamanna ke main naachu
main chadhun, main aur chadhun,
fir aur chadhun, aur fir aur, aur

that didn't come out so well, but the point is: she wants it bad!
Who have you ever seen who would put so much on the line for what she is after? Who so focussed on her goal, that she would stake her whole sense of self for it? She's a pioneer, the first of the many to come, who would live their lives on the tube, who would let us see them in the naked, in the all baring sense, as in of the soul. She's just groping and fighting and blindfolded, unknown to the age she is heralding.

She bares it, and doesn't regret. She hasn't a sense of guilt. She hasn't a care in the world and she doesn't even notice where its taking her, because her eyes are filled with what she wants. She wants attention. She wants to be, the item of the world. And she wants it bad. Go Rakhi.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I love Rakhi Sawant because she believes in the people

What better proof of her democratic sense of self then that she'll choose a husband on people's votes. That is the most revolutionising thought since the penta-marriage of Draupadi.

Though the genius is really the producers of the show (Rakhi ka Swayamvar), I bet they wouldn't have found a girl so self-sacrificing that she leaves this, of all decisions, up to the majority. That's something to be thought over.

I love Rakhi Sawant because she is a Tomato, and I love tomatoes

A Tomato:
  • is Juicy
  • is Red
  • Bulges at important places
  • Expands when angry [1]
  • Makes love [1]
  • Makes balls jealous [1]
  • Hates a blunt knife

Acknowledgements: Aggu

I love Rakhi Sawant because Ravi Kishan is her brother

I mean.


I love Rakhi Sawant because she will marry me

To all the losers on Rakhi ka Swayamvar :


I shall win over her with my corny puns and horny ones
I shall take her home to my mom
I shall take her home
I shall take her
And none shall stand in the way or the garden
And none shall peek and none shall speak
of my beloved and my very one
People and other people, I dare too thee
for a 1 on 1, for you against me
for I shall take the catwoman
and you shall, her rakhi

I love Rakhi Sawant because she can say it

To say it, is to be it. Shakespeare meant to say that, but a beggar boy nearby shut his mouth with his hands and said it first. What he meant by the statement (beggar boy, not shakespeare) was that your words reflect your personality (shakespeare probably meant something cornier). And so it is with Rakhi Sawant. She doesn't know it, but she means what she says. What, ever, she, says. Now she may think she's acting, or being cool, or being an innocent dolt, but in reality, she's only reflecting her personality. Apply this rule everytime you hear her say something, and you would feel her inner beauty pressing against your heart, and banging it to open up.

I love Rakhi Sawant because she loves cats

Cats are a girl's best friend, you heard that in school. Rakhi Sawant epitomises the feeling. She used to look like an average (more like median) girl next door with a fairly normal-sized head and matching hair. But she was different. She knew she was different, she felt it. It was hard to tell at first, but she figured it out. Rakhi Sawant loved cats. So much so, that one day, one fair humid day, she had her face modified by a local plastic seller to look it.

Why I Love Rakhi Sawant

Rakhi Sawant, to put it bluntly, is an enigma. As much as we don't know about the behavioral peculiarities of a wet cat just through an electric shock of the magnitude that just about straightens the hair, so the cat looks lots like a cathouse; as much it is that we don't know about this lady, this beautiful bout of pasteurized flesh, Rakhi Sawant.

As unexplained as her attractive pulls are to me, I feel rather a large amount of doltness in my head when someone asks me why I like her so much and I don't have an answer that would turn them on so much they would feel it for Rakhi Sawant themselves. This blog is an attempt to do so. Here I try to explain to myself as well as the doltland, why o' why do I like, love, adore, whatever, Rakhi Sawant so much.


Here goes: