Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I love Rakhi Sawant because I have my reasons

Enough said.

I love Rakhi Sawant because she is the Giver of Happiness

Rakhi Sawant, the angel in mammal form, has immense powers unto herself. She can bestow happiness upon poor desperate men who never had a life. As quoted by a particular contestant on the show when he earned a few minutes of talking to The Angel Sans Whiskers alone , "wo 10 minute meri zindagi ke sabse sunehre pal the".

I love Rakhi Sawant because she believes in teamwork

Individualism is over-rated. Rakhi understands that. She believes in teamwork. Contestants on the show, Rakhi ka Swayamvar, had to split into teams of three, and perform group tasks clearly depicting the spirit of teamwork, to win a date with Rakhi. For Rakhi believes in teamwork, even in the bedroom.

I love Rakhi Sawant because she knows something we don't

Rakhi Sawant looks at ease. She goes through the whole routine of the show, the plethora of emotions ranging from trying to sound emotional to trying even more, with a patented confidence and surity. She is not a nervous bride, if even a bride. What this tells me is that there is something she knows that makes her feel safe. Something that satisfies her fears about this all. Or maybe its just the money.

Monday, July 6, 2009

I love Rakhi Sawant because she is taking a bet

Rakhi Sawant, the girl in the beautiful sari, is both a puppet and the pioneer. She is both completely fake and yet completely real. She is both the chooser and the chosen one, and she is both the examiner and the examinee.

This show, Rakhi ka Swayamvar, is not so much a test and selection of the contestants on the show, as much as it is of Rakhi herself. This show will decide a lot of the near future for the whole of Indian Television, and definitely just about the whole life of the girl to be married, which marriages are supposed to anyway.

Rakhi Sawant has taken a bet here, and the magnitude of that bet it is that compels us to watch that show, me to write this blog, and you to read it. What do you believe will be the end of the show? Will she really marry? Or will there be a genius gimmick at the end of the show that will satisfy everybody involved? Whatever the marital outcome, Rakhi Sawant and her life will be defined by the satisfaction of me, the television viewer. And that's some bet, I believe.

I love Rakhi Sawant because she has it hardest

Life, you may imagine, must be tough for the eligible vars on Rakhi ka Swayamvar. They are supposed to come up with sensibility, humor, and just the right amount of emotional vulnerability in their one-liner responses to questions by your highness Rakhi on the spur of the moment. But mistake me not, o' great reader. It is Rakhi, the Sita of the Decade, who has it hardest at the moment. It is she who is being tested here, not the mere dumbheads that stand there in a line bulging with eagerness to prove their worth to the Great Beautiful One.

As she sits there in the elaborate farce of a set, with the prospective grooms observing her every look and move when the camera is off, and smiling at themselves like shameless little girls just out of a sin when she changes from Rakhi Sawant to Rakhi the Puratan Bhartiya Nari, right before a shot. But not for long, o' not for long. Once the camera is rolling, once the show is on, the joke turns on them. Rakhi is now the one laughing, though taking great care as to hide it in the dupatta. They make a fool of themselves, trying to impress they know not whom, risking a great deal of fortune in the process, and Rakhi Sawant soon has it hard. It is not in her to stand still in a sari and talk to arbitrary looking people about prem and vivah. It has to be hard to do the shy indian virgin look so many times a day and to do it without sliding into the cheaper and sexier sly item girl version that must be so much more tempting to her. I'm sure she breaks a piece of furniture everyday to get over the motionlessness she has gone through in the day, sitting on a couch dressed in an overweight sari with her shy eyes fixed to the bottom of the leftmost leg of the table ahead, and her mind fixed on emptiness that it has always been fixed on anyway. It has to be hard, I imagine, on both the parties, in all senses of the word.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I love Rakhi Sawant because she wants it bad

tamanna hai mujhe, ki main uchhlu
tamanna ke main naachu
main chadhun, main aur chadhun,
fir aur chadhun, aur fir aur, aur

that didn't come out so well, but the point is: she wants it bad!
Who have you ever seen who would put so much on the line for what she is after? Who so focussed on her goal, that she would stake her whole sense of self for it? She's a pioneer, the first of the many to come, who would live their lives on the tube, who would let us see them in the naked, in the all baring sense, as in of the soul. She's just groping and fighting and blindfolded, unknown to the age she is heralding.

She bares it, and doesn't regret. She hasn't a sense of guilt. She hasn't a care in the world and she doesn't even notice where its taking her, because her eyes are filled with what she wants. She wants attention. She wants to be, the item of the world. And she wants it bad. Go Rakhi.