I love Rakhi Sawant because she has it hardest

Life, you may imagine, must be tough for the eligible vars on Rakhi ka Swayamvar. They are supposed to come up with sensibility, humor, and just the right amount of emotional vulnerability in their one-liner responses to questions by your highness Rakhi on the spur of the moment. But mistake me not, o' great reader. It is Rakhi, the Sita of the Decade, who has it hardest at the moment. It is she who is being tested here, not the mere dumbheads that stand there in a line bulging with eagerness to prove their worth to the Great Beautiful One.

As she sits there in the elaborate farce of a set, with the prospective grooms observing her every look and move when the camera is off, and smiling at themselves like shameless little girls just out of a sin when she changes from Rakhi Sawant to Rakhi the Puratan Bhartiya Nari, right before a shot. But not for long, o' not for long. Once the camera is rolling, once the show is on, the joke turns on them. Rakhi is now the one laughing, though taking great care as to hide it in the dupatta. They make a fool of themselves, trying to impress they know not whom, risking a great deal of fortune in the process, and Rakhi Sawant soon has it hard. It is not in her to stand still in a sari and talk to arbitrary looking people about prem and vivah. It has to be hard to do the shy indian virgin look so many times a day and to do it without sliding into the cheaper and sexier sly item girl version that must be so much more tempting to her. I'm sure she breaks a piece of furniture everyday to get over the motionlessness she has gone through in the day, sitting on a couch dressed in an overweight sari with her shy eyes fixed to the bottom of the leftmost leg of the table ahead, and her mind fixed on emptiness that it has always been fixed on anyway. It has to be hard, I imagine, on both the parties, in all senses of the word.